When Insult Meets Injury…Do Something

I have a confession. I occasionally struggle with anger and resentment. I know! For some of you this is a shocking thing to read! Many of my friends and family tell me my usual posts (which haven’t made it to my blog yet) are inspiring, uplifting, encouraging and generally positive. I’m here to tell you that just because I want to put positive vibes out into a world that’s already overflowing with negativity doesn’t mean that I don’t sometimes deal with negative thoughts and feelings. Even we annoyingly positive people still live in the real world and deal with real problems and pain. In fact, here is a message I sent to some friends from my moms’ group yesterday.

“I have been struggling with anger and resentment over something that happened a couple of months ago. I usually don’t struggle with this on MOST things, but this one is really getting me. Today I got a bill for related services. Injury, meet Insult. I’m thankful we have the money to pay it, but that didn’t stop the spike of adrenaline that hit after I opened the bill or keep the anger from rising up again. Prayers for figuring out how to deal with this seed of resentment and anger before it consumes me would be appreciated!”

A few semester’s back my moms’ group studied the book Unglued:Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions by Lysa Terkeurst and it was LIFE CHANGING for me. HOWEVER, understanding how to make those wise choices does NOT keep me from feeling those raw emotions. I knew my anger from this particular situation was growing and festering because the situation felt out of my control, so I acknowledged to my friends (and God) that I needed a little help to deal with it. Within minutes of hitting the send button I loaded my kids into the car for an errand and the song Glorious Unfolding by Steven Curtis Chapman began to play on the radio. In that moment that my heart was crying out for answers and peace these are the words that I heard:

“Lay your head down tonight
Take a rest from the fight
Don’t try to figure it out
Just listen to what I’m whispering to your heart
‘Cause I know this is not
Anything like you thought
The story of your life was gonna be
And it feels like the end has started closing in on you
But it’s just not true
There’s so much of the story that’s still yet to unfold

And this is going to be a glorious unfolding
Just you wait and see and you will be amazed
You’ve just got to believe the story is so far from over
So hold on to every promise God has made to us
And watch this glorious unfolding”

You really need to hear the lyrics in song to truly hear their beauty, but I heard in that short drive exactly what I needed to hear. Like a light bulb switching on, the realization struck me that my growing anger was due to my human impatience and my desire to fix what had happened (and therefore what was wrong with the world, of course.) What I understood in that moment was that God has it all under control. I may not like what happened because it hurt. It hurts. I may not like the pace at which everything is unfolding and I don’t like not knowing how it will all work out, but I DO know that God will make good things happen from this pain, and it will be a glorious unfolding. Now, I’d like to say with that realization that my anger melted away, but it didn’t. In fact, I can feel that it’s going to stay for a while yet. I’m trying to be okay with that because I realized something else yesterday evening. Like it or not, my anger is a useful tool. It drives me to action. Anger, as a secondary emotion that stems from hurt or fear, means that my pain fuels me and compels me to DO something. My heart is breaking for a reason. Maybe I’ll never see the entire glorious unfolding, but I’ve been through this pattern of pain and action enough times to know that I will get to someday see that it was all worth it. I will CHOOSE to see the positive through the negative because that’s just how we annoyingly positive people roll, even when we’re angry.

“I can face things that are out of my control and not act out of control.” – Lysa TerKeurst, Unglued:Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions